My first 2009 BLOG

I've decided to help all you lazy people out there by doing your new years resolutions for you this year. I don't know about you guys, but I never really did new year's resolutions, because I knew there was absolutely no way I would ever follow through with something like that. Even if you already have new years resolutions, I'm going to tell you to erase them and use my list instead, because I'm sure yours are all boring and pointless (lose weight, be nicer to my wife, etc).
So here's my list of my 30 most important things for all of you to follow to get the most out of 2009...

1) Get arrested

2) Drive through a drive-thru in reverse

3) Throw a waterballoon at oncoming traffic

4) Lose at least 100 dollars at a casino

5) If you smoke, stop (If you don't smoke, start)

6) Feed the birds

7) Wade where there is a no wading sign

8) Doorbell ditch your boss

9) Sit down and talk to a WWII veteran for an hour

10) Drive until your lost then take your time getting home

11) Movie hop all day in a theater

12) Take a midget on a date

13) Buy a lot from the dollar menu and distribute to any bums you see

14) Light something on fire

15) Out-drink your kid, and if you’re a kid, out-drink your parent

16) Laugh until you pee and fart at the same time

17) Scare one of those goats who faints

18) Hit on an old lady

19) Play catch with a hamster

20) Go into a store where you can't afford anything and try to pay with an I.O.U

21) Go to Spain and order a beer in McDonalds

22) Eat something you've never heard of

23) Sweet talk your way out of a traffic ticket

24) Read a book that teaches the exact opposite of what you believe

25) Steal something nice and give it away as a birthday present

26) Get one of those inflatable pools and fill it with Jello

27) Go up to someone you think is out of your league and use the first crappy pick-up line that comes to mind

28) Turn on your TV and your Ipod, then mute the TV and pretend the people on TV are singing whatever song you are listening too

29) Light a cigar with a Benjamin

30) Save up all your spare change all year then stay in the most expensive hotel room you can get for one night

I'm pretty sure that if you do all of those, you will live a happier, more fulfilling life. I know some of them may seem a little absurd, but just try them. Please post any comments of your own new years resolutions... and have a great 2009!