Doors

I have recently discovered how much this society takes doors for granted. I am currently getting my house remodeled and we have all the doors taken off in our house to have them painted. I never really realized how much doors mean to our way of life. Without doors, it is really weird to shower and go to the bathroom with other people in the house. It is also really hard to anything in your room at night when everyone else is asleep, because anything you do is heard all around the house, and I can't wake the others up or my mom will make me sleep in the garage without food for a week. On the other hand, if you are trying to get some sleep, it is really hard to get some shut eye with the loudest snoring I've ever heard in my life coming from across the hall.
I just want all you guys to go up to your parents right now and give them a big hug and say thank you for not taking all the doors off in my house. Peace humans, stop taking this shit for granted

Global Warming

I just saw proof that global warming is upon us!
Here's what happened:
I was sitting outside, enjoying a few drags off of a premium Camel, staring at the beautiful sky. The clouds were scattered around, breaking up the big sheet of blue. Although the sun was shining, I still needed a jacket to stay at a comfortable warmth. As I sat there, I started thinking about certain things, like how just yesterday I was spending time with my dad, and now he's thousands of miles away. I stared at the sky and just wanted to be in an airplane, flying to a new place where I could explore and not have to worry about anything, like school or getting a job.
As I sat there, just reminiscing and day dreaming, I saw something that I have never seen in my life.... A fucking ice cream truck, in January. If that's not proof of global warming, I really don't know what is. I also saw something else sitting out there that really got me thinking.
As far back as I can remember, I've always had the same dream car, a Cadillac CTS V series. As I was sitting still thinking about the Ice cream truck, I saw my car drive by. I've always seen it parked down the street, and I've often wondered who was the lucky person driving. When I finally saw the person behind the wheel, it really surprised me. It was a white man, probably 25, with a backwards hat smoking a cigarette. As long as I've been alive, I've had a hero, and today it officially changed to that guy. I want to be exactly like him when I grow up, and I know its possible because he is me, and I am him. We grew up on the same block, in fact he only lives a few houses down. We are both white, we both smoke, and I could see it in his eyes that he is also a blogger.
So I leave you with this... If that white trash guy can drive that car, so can I, and if I can, then so can you. You can do whatever you want with your life. I know most of you reading this are my friends in college, and I know for a fact that none of you envision yourself as someone working a regular job, and just going to college full time. School is all bull shit. You are learning crap from someone that had all their knowledge spoon fed to them, and worst of all you are paying for it. Of course, we need an "education" to get the jobs with the big bucks. That's not what we want either, so I don't know why we are all wasting our time. If it weren't for my mom dreaming of having at least one kid graduating college, I would be outta there and just be living my life like I want to. I know I still have a lot of time to do what I want, so I'm not worried too much. Peace humans, get out there and live your life. Stop studying

Just to get this thing kick started, I want to let you all know that I'm really fucking hungry right now.
That being said, let's do some blogging!

I want to give you guys a quickie today, because I want to go eat and go spend my Target giftcards.

I just want to know why is that the easiest ways to get rich are all illegal. Are they illegal because it would make it easy for you to get rich, or will they get you rich because it is illegal?
If I really wanted to go start my enterprise right now, I would have to start with the pirating of 18 wheelers and cruise ships. This would be a good way to get some cool stuff and save you money on buying people christmas presents. Whatever you have left over, you could sell on Ebay, or at a garage sale or something. Then, with the money I got from that, I would rent a house in a not so great part of town, because the rent would be cheap. I would use all my cash to start a casino in my house!
I would buy some poker tables, some slot machines, and maybe a roulette wheel. The only thing is, you would have to accept food stamps as bets, and be able to turn those in for cash value later. I would also have to have a backyard where my customers could go roll dice, because they're all into that shit.
I would also get a specialized vending machine, full of ice cold 40 oz's, and cartons of Newports.
I think this would be a great way to get some cash, but you would have to move out of that neighborhood after a while, because eventually something is going to go wrong:
1)You're going to go out of business because they don't have much money to begin with, and they can't gamble anymore once you take it all
2) You're going to get arrested
3) You're going to get robbed
4) You're going to get shot
5) All of the above

If it weren't for those 5 things though, I think this would be a very lucrative business and I would recommend it to everyone. Peace humans!

My first 2009 BLOG

I've decided to help all you lazy people out there by doing your new years resolutions for you this year. I don't know about you guys, but I never really did new year's resolutions, because I knew there was absolutely no way I would ever follow through with something like that. Even if you already have new years resolutions, I'm going to tell you to erase them and use my list instead, because I'm sure yours are all boring and pointless (lose weight, be nicer to my wife, etc).
So here's my list of my 30 most important things for all of you to follow to get the most out of 2009...

1) Get arrested

2) Drive through a drive-thru in reverse

3) Throw a waterballoon at oncoming traffic

4) Lose at least 100 dollars at a casino

5) If you smoke, stop (If you don't smoke, start)

6) Feed the birds

7) Wade where there is a no wading sign

8) Doorbell ditch your boss

9) Sit down and talk to a WWII veteran for an hour

10) Drive until your lost then take your time getting home

11) Movie hop all day in a theater

12) Take a midget on a date

13) Buy a lot from the dollar menu and distribute to any bums you see

14) Light something on fire

15) Out-drink your kid, and if you’re a kid, out-drink your parent

16) Laugh until you pee and fart at the same time

17) Scare one of those goats who faints

18) Hit on an old lady

19) Play catch with a hamster

20) Go into a store where you can't afford anything and try to pay with an I.O.U

21) Go to Spain and order a beer in McDonalds

22) Eat something you've never heard of

23) Sweet talk your way out of a traffic ticket

24) Read a book that teaches the exact opposite of what you believe

25) Steal something nice and give it away as a birthday present

26) Get one of those inflatable pools and fill it with Jello

27) Go up to someone you think is out of your league and use the first crappy pick-up line that comes to mind

28) Turn on your TV and your Ipod, then mute the TV and pretend the people on TV are singing whatever song you are listening too

29) Light a cigar with a Benjamin

30) Save up all your spare change all year then stay in the most expensive hotel room you can get for one night

I'm pretty sure that if you do all of those, you will live a happier, more fulfilling life. I know some of them may seem a little absurd, but just try them. Please post any comments of your own new years resolutions... and have a great 2009!

We live a pointless life, so make the most of it

We all think that we are the center of the universe most of the time. We think that it is everyone else's duty to make our lives easier for us. It seems to me that everyone thinks their life is the only one on earth that is really making a difference, and we don't realize that in all actuality, NOTHING MATTERS.
You are here by luck. Go back as far down your family tree as you want. Take your great great grandfather, for instance. Let's say he met your grandmother at a pig auction in North Dakota... What if his neighbor didn't accidentally shoot your forefathers pig when he was trying to clean his gun? Your good ol' pappy never would have had to go to that auction, and never would have met his sweetheart, and they never would have had a daughter, who ended up being your great grandmother, and if she wasn't around, you wouldn't be either. There are millions and millions of little occurrences everyday that get overlooked, when in reality, they change the course of your life forever. And in changing the course of your life, they have changed the course of everyone else's you ever encounter, and so on an so on. You don't think it does, but when you decide to skip your breakfast one morning and go straight to work, you change the course of the world forever.
You see, when I say we are all here by luck, I mean that there is absolutely no way we can plan any of our life out. You don't know how many times if you didn't stop to let the old lady walk across the street you would have been in a car accident. You just can't plan that kind of stuff. And since you can't plan these crazy little things, then why worry about all of them. We can't chose when we're going to die. Sure, we can stay healthy and work out and all that, but exercising everyday can't stop you from getting a piano dropped on you while you go on your daily walk. That's why I don't get what everyone is so stressed out about all the time.
I mean let's face it, we're all going to die. Some tomorrow, some in 50 years. Some from old age, some from a roadside bomb in Iraq, some from falling asleep behind the wheel, some from choking on a christmas cookie. We always hear people say "Live like you are dying" or "love like you'll never love again." You know, the usual cliche shit that really loses its meaning after hearing it all so much. But I want to throw this out there:
Believe it or not, it is a miracle you are alive. I know you think you are here for some purpose, but you aren't. And neither is the person across the hall from you, or the one who going to make your coffee for you at starbucks tomorrow. Life is precious, and every single second you have is a blessing from God. Stop worrying about gas prices and all that crap for just a few seconds everyday and just make the most out of your life. Eat an extra cookie, smoke a few joints, go dancing, learn an instrument, skydive, get lost in the music, whatever.... Whatever you do, just do whatever makes you happy! Once you realize that you are just lucky that you worked late one night, so you missed them giving out candy canes downstairs because you would have choked on it and died... you can start taking everything a little less seriously and just having a good time with it.
We all came into this world the same way, and we're all getting out of it the same way... so just make the most of your life and have a good time. Peace humans

I'm going to leave you with what I call a freestyle poem... Just kind of let my emotions flow through my mind which has been blessed with creativity and poetic charisma beyond any earthly measures...

We're all so uptight
Well, something just ain't right
Whether you're black or white
We're all in the same fight

We're just trying to stay positive
Raise a couple healthy kids
Hope the income outweighs the bills
Hope the calmness outweighs the thrills

We all gotta take a small step back
Be thankful for everything we have
Be thankful that our mom and dad
Both went to the bar, cuz they were feeling sad

And so they met and fell in love
And just like a gift from up above
You were born, and now you're reading
I've been writing too long, my eyes are bleeding

I know all of this
Made absolutely no sense
But I'm pretty tired,
In my defense

I just hope you can all
Just smile some more
And stop trying to control
Cuz that job's the lords

So peace for now
I'm gonna go light a cig
It will change my life forever
Just like your great grampas pig